


Don't Let Me Go

by EwDontTouchMe



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andrew has found a home, Angst with a Happy Ending, Because hahahahah, Break Up, Brief smutty smut, But it's okay, M/M, Okay im done tagging, PSSST, its Neil, kinda sad, lol, made me want to cry writing it, my children are back together, my poor children
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-08 23:14:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6878722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EwDontTouchMe/pseuds/EwDontTouchMe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Andrew's life, he's been drowning. Every new obstacle life has thrown his way has only dragged him further below the surface. Neil was his first taste of blissful oxygen, and he wasn't ready to let him go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Let Me Go

All Andrew's life, he's been drowning. Every new obstacle life has thrown his way has only dragged him further below the surface. Neil was his first taste of blissful oxygen, and he wasn't ready to let him go.

Their room was completely empty, the only sounds echoing off the walls was their orchestra of pants and deep breaths. Andrew held Neil against a wall and kissed him senseless, Andrew was so far in to him, he was forgetting his own name.

It was nights like this that Andrew liked the most. Actually, if he was being honest, any time spent with Neil was a pleasure.

Neil was the only anchor in his trembling world.

Andrew, deep down, believed in love, despite all of the pain he's been through and all of the horrors he's witnessed. He believed in a happy ending, with Neil, although his emotionless face may say otherwise. Neil was the best thing that has happened to Andrew, and it fucking terrifies him imagining a world without the blue-eyed boy in his arms.

Neil dropped his head and kissed his jaw, trailing kisses down his throat. Andrew felt a noise deep in his throat, begging to be released but he pushed it further down. Andrew grabbed Neil's hair and breathed heavily.

Neil slowed to a stop and rested his head on Andrew's shoulder, and he was shaking.

"Neil?" Andrew asked, somehow gentle despite his rough, calloused hand cupping his cheek.

"I can't," he whispered against his skin. Andrew's head was spinning and his hands were shaking, yet he was still strong enough for both of them.

Neil took a deep breath and lightly shoved Andrew away from him. "I can't, Andrew."

Andrew studied his scar-riddled face and felt his stomach give out from underneath him. It wasn't the smile that had always annoyed the shit out of him. It wasn't his deep, understanding blue eyes. All he saw was pain and sadness, and that tore him apart. "Neil, what's-?"

"I can't keep doing this," he gestured wildly between them, "I can't keep pretending that this isn't a thing." He said blatantly. His eyes were running with fear, and Andrew couldn't come up with something to soothe him.

And even further inside of him, he couldn't admit that this wasn't a thing. It's been a thing ever since Neil became his.

"It... It is a thing, Neil. We can be an official thing, if you want." Andrew found himself whispering. He didn't mean for the words to come out, but they found a way. He walked towards the shaking Neil and wanted to hold him and make him calm again, but he didn't know how to soften someone with as rough as edges as him.

"I don't know anymore..." He glances at the ceiling and his gaze stays there as he says, "it's not like you actually enjoy me. And you constantly say how much I annoy you, and all of this shit. Why are we even playing this game if you can't stand me? Who are we fooling?" Neil blurted out, and Andrew felt like he's been stabbed. Andrew's single thread of safety that held him up threatened to snap, and all Andrew could do was pray for it to hold on.

"Neil, no. I-"

"Stop. Please. I don't think I can do this anymore," he whispers into the air between them, and that was when the thread finally snapped. Andrew felt like he was just kicked in the groin.

"No! Neil, no. I just-" Andrew stopped, he didn't know how to continue or how to fix this or Neil or himself. He felt his demons crawling out of the dark to visit him again, now that Neil was going to leave. The room fell silent and Andrew bit back tears. "Just...please don't run again...please. You know how much I hate that word, but for you, I'd say it a million times." He said desperately.

"I'm sorry, Andrew. I'm moving back in with Matt and then we can go back to acting as if neither one of us exists."

"No,"

Neil walked out of the room wordlessly but with tears streaming down his face, and that was somehow harder for Andrew. Without thinking, he punched the wall Neil just had his back on. He punched it again and again and again until his knuckles were nothing but lumps of blood and skin.

He slumped against the wall and willed the tears away. After all, it was just Neil. Neil fucking Josten.

Neil, who let him fall for him, with all the intentions of catching him, but letting him slip through his fingers. He slammed his head against the wall behind him.

Neil, who forced Andrew to care, to trust, to love. Slam. 

Neil, who was simply not enough to fix Andrew, and yet he still hoped that the blue-eyed boy was enough. Slam.

Neil, who made Andrew become everything he wasn't, taught him that feeling wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

Finally, the dam broke and tears flooded his sore eyes. Andrew let himself fall to the floor, his back to the wall, and willed for the world to leave him alone.

...

Its been 6 days since Neil left him. Andrew found himself closer to the edge of the roof more frequently, and his thoughts slugged as alcohol coursed through his veins, chasing away the memories.

After his break down, he hadn't let it show how much he was dying inside. He didn't let it show that he missed Neil's sarcasm and his sassy, playful attitude. He didn't let it show that his mouth craved the taste of him, and that he was constantly thinking of him.

The other teammates and Betsy herself has asked him how he's doing, and he replied the same every time, "I'm fine." He was taking after Neil, even though he absolutely hated it when he said that. 

Was he saying that now, hiding how he was feeling, or was he really fine?

He hasn't seen him since he gathered his stuff the next morning, and it's not that he's worried.

Except, he is. As he probably always will be.

Andrew doesn't know if it's the half bottle of Jack he drank or the pain has really fucking gotten to him, but he decided he needed to see him.

Andrew wants to ask himself how he's lived this long without Neil Josten in his life, but another question takes its place:

Was he really living? Or was he just getting by breathing?

Andrew stumbled into the hallway, and tried to make his way to Matt's room, but somehow he found himself on the roof, watching another figure sit in the cold dark of the night.

He swallowed and walked towards it. Before he saw his auburn hair, he knew it was Neil smoking, and he felt a twist in his gut.

Wordlessly, he sits next to him, whips out a cigarette, and watches over the city. Neil dropped his head and watched the cigarette burn itself out, reminding Andrew of himself.

"I'm sorry." Neil murmured into the crisp air.

"Don't apologize." Andrew says automatically.

"But I am, Andrew." Neil smashes out his only half smoked cigarette, and gently picks up Andrew's horribly bruised and scabbed knuckles. And one by one, he softly presses kisses to each knuckle.

Andrew wanted to rip his hand away from him. He wanted to punch him, choke him, do something to make him know his pain of the loss he felt so heavily.

Wordlessly, he turned his arm over and checked his forearm for any new marks, and once he found none, he visibly let out a breath. Neil closed his eyes and held Andrew's hand to his chest.

"I thought I was going to die. That's why I broke up with you." Neil blurted, and Andrew almost started laughing. 

"Die how?" 

"Kevin told me how the Moryiamas hated it when their property has other interests other than Exy, and he told me to be careful. So, that's why I tried leaving you. But I can't, Andrew. Even if you do hate me and I annoy the piss out of you, you're gonna have to put up with me for a very long time." Neil looked away but still held Andrew's hand to his heart, and he felt the frantic heart beat underneath.

Andrew grabbed Neil with his other hand and drew him closer, flicking his cigarette over the edge and breathing the smoke into his face. "I'll protect you. As much as I do hate you, I missed you like crazy," Andrew whispered, staring at a blushing Neil, and that image itself was almost enough to fix everything. "But don't you dare ever pull something like that again. Yes or no?"

Neil nodded and leaned in closer to kiss Andrew, heated and passionate from the start. Andrew gently layed Neil down on the cold flooring of the roof, and kissed him senseless. Andrew forgot his own name and the stars far above them and everything that hurt, he focused only on the boy below him.

He kissed Neil's neck and murmured "Mine." into the skin. Neil arched his back and twisted his fingers into Andrew's blond hair. 

He growled in annoyance and moved Neil out of his shirt, and started to kiss him hotly. He was kissing down Neil's naked torso, marking him in the most beautiful and intricate way possible. He took his time and patience and drove Neil crazy in the best way imaginable.

"Andrew," Neil gasped and smiled at the stars as Andrew smirked into his hip bone. "Andrew, please," Neil begged underneath him.

Andrew wanted to make him beg for an eternity, but he needed this as much as Neil did. He swallowed Neil and fell into a coma of bliss and ecstasy.

...

Neil layed with his head on Andrew, and Andrew couldn't find it in himself to complain. They both smoked silently, in complete peace. Andrew found himself tracing the scars on Neil's arms and face with his fingertips. Neil hadn't taken his eyes off of Andrew, and Andrew felt with that gaze on him, he could defeat the world. He understood the phrase that home wasn't four walls and a roof, that it was two eyes and a heart beat; but he didn't fully interpret it until now. 

The Moryiamas had no chance getting to Neil with pain on their minds and revenge written into their smiles. Andrew's demons fell back into the darkness, and he felt like he could breath again.

"347%"

"I know."

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it (and crying). Please feel free to leave kudos or comment or whatever, I love feedback!! They're always appreciated ^.^
> 
> Thanks guys!!


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